Happy New Year!!
I know it has been way too long since I last posted. I have been really struggling the last few weeks. Not really with anything important. I am GREAT in a crisis. Unfortunately, some days every day life is a lot to handle.
I got sick a week or so before Christmas and ended up back in the hospital for the first time since the summer. That sucked. I was so stressed out around the holidays trying to figure out how to do everything and be what everyone needed. It was exhausting. I loved getting to spend a lot of time with my family, but I have to admit that my batteries were running on empty.
After the new year, I caught a cold. Just an everyday cold. Then we went out-of-town and my body decided to attack me again. Of course. I don’t know how my in-laws put up with me – I have gotten sick around these poor people so many time, they are going to get a complex. I swear it isn’t you, if you are reading this! 🙂 I HATE getting sick around other people. It makes me so uncomfortable because I already feel like crap and then I feel just awful that I know I am making them uncomfortable.
Then bad got a little bit worse. Once we made it home I ended up at the hospital, again. Then a few days after I got out? Back. Again. So frustrating. And of course all the doctors can say to me is “Well, it’s a chronic condition, so just do the best you can.” Gee. Thanks, Doc.
I feel like I have been pulled in way too many directions. Not by anyone, but by myself. I have all these things that I want to do, but I get so overwhelmed that I don’t do any of them. And then I feel guilty. Oh, the guilt. So, this weekend I made a decision. I am going to focus on one thing at a time and see how that goes. Right now, it’s focusing on my health and getting my blood sugar under control. I have been so worried about losing more weight, or getting work done, or cleaning the house more. I just need to focus on healing my system before I move on to the next thing.
I have high hopes for 2014 that this will be the year that I finally feel like I have my shit together. One step at a time, and day by day. I am not going to let people stress me out anymore. I am not going to run myself ragged worrying about all the things that I “should” be doing. I am searching for balance and contentment. If I can find those two things, I will be happy.
Incidentally – Today is the four-year anniversary of the day I met my Knight in Rusty Red Armor. Four years ago, I met a geek online. He was smart, funny and kind – a complete departure from my usual “type”. His online profile was at least three pages long and was filled with every favorite book, movie, and music that he loved, and much to my surprise they were all my favorites too. I decided to go against my natural instincts, which were clearly broken in every way, and go out with this man. He took me on a very special date, and I was hooked. How he has put up with me for the past four years is beyond me, but I am thankful every day that he was able to see past the insanity. Love you, babe!!
So, here’s to all of us getting our shit together in 2014. Balance and contentment is the key. Cheers!