Good morning! I can say that now, because it is not yesterday. And yesterday was really good, until it wasn’t.
I have a belief that there are no such things as mistakes in life. Only choices. Some choices are good, and some are terribly bad. But saying, “Oh, I made a mistake” is a cop-out. You made a bad choice. Now you have to live with the consequences. And that is ok. That is how we learn. It’s when we do not learn from those consequences and choose the same bad behavior over and over that we get into trouble. This leads to one of two paths – blame and shame (“I knew better! Why did I do that again? I’m such a loser!”) OR we fall down the rabbit hole into the land of victims (“Why do these things keep happening to me??”).
We’ve all been to both lands, I am sure, and they suck major balls. I will give you an example that relates to this new lifestyle of healthy eating (though we have all done it in other aspects – dating the wrong person, or clones of that person; spending too much on something we don’t need and can’t afford; killing a drifter just to watch him die, you know… the basics). I have been eating clean for the past 5 days with good results. No barfing, much fewer anxiety spells, and generally having more energy and the ability to focus and get things done. But yesterday I was home alone all day with my husband’s work and opera schedule, and I just wasn’t that hungry. I had some healthy snacks throughout the day, and since I am a Diabetic with Gastroparesis, this is actually recommended (5-6 small meals instead of 3 big ones). But I have to admit that I was also feeling a bit lazy and hormonal. I didn’t really want to spend the time to cook something healthy since it was just me, and my hormones were calling for something comforting.
So, I made a choice. I ate a piece of Naan (Indian flat-bread, for those unfamiliar). A delicious piece of Naan sounded delicious and I didn’t have to cook. This, folks, was not a mistake. It was a choice.
A VERY BAD CHOICE. And I paid for it dearly.
Within 10 minutes of eating it, I started to feel anxious. Then the anxiety lead to nausea. And the nausea led to several visits to the porcelain throne. When you find yourself begging a toilet to let you feel better, you know that you have to pay the piper (pun intended, if you like plumbing puns). I made the choice, which I have made with similar results in the past, and I suffered the consequences. Now, I have the choice… blame/shame? Victim? Nope. I am making another choice. LEARN FROM THE DAMN CONSEQUENCES AND DO NOT DO THAT THING ANYMORE!!
This is what I have learned. While I love and I do mean LOVE processed carbs, they do not like me. My body can no longer tolerate them, and quite frankly I am sick of being sick. So, buh-bye processed crap food. I am learning the lesson and listening to my body. It is screaming at me to do the right thing, even though my brain thinks the foods are quite delicious! It’s like the angel vs devil on your shoulder. The angel is an annoying goodie goodie, but the devil is a lying, evil, conniving bitch. And bitches and I don’t get on well together.
Do you keep learning the hard lessons over and over again? Why is one time not enough? I’d love to see some comments on some of these things.