It’s Hump Daaaaay! I don’t know why this phrase makes me laugh, but when a camel says it you just have to go with it, I think.
I finally managed to get together my Healthy Living Guide for my Get Healthy and Save Yourself support group, and I have been really happy with the responses to it so far. I hope that everyone finds it informative (and pretty). I tried to make the guide something that I would want to read. Straight to the point without having to read a thousand pages to understand. My brain gets bored along the way and it never happens. There are a few more sections and topics that I want to add when I create the next version, but overall, I am very happy with the outcomes.
But here’s the deal… I am always very nervous when I put something out there whether or not people will like it or if they will think it is stupid. My friend Misty told me that is because I am a perfectionist in my work, and that isn’t a bad thing. But part of that is also a worry that someone will dump on something that I have really poured myself into, and thereby dump on me.
It’s funny how we can receive plenty of praise, but one negative thought, comment, or look can make us feel like a failure. I used to worry all the time that people would one day realize that I was a fraud. That I was just faking my way through things. Even things that I completely knew and understood. Why does 1 negative completely negate 99 positives??
This is also applicable to any attempts at making a healthy lifestyle a permanent change. Think about it – when you have tried eating better in the past, or starting a fitness routine, have you ever had that jerk who says, “Oh come on… One bite won’t kill you!” or “Forget about working out and let’s go get some ice cream!” Sometimes these sound like awesome ideas, but in reality it is contrary to our goals and completely not helpful. My first marriage seemed to be a competitive eating contest all the time and it definitely didn’t do my waistline any favors.
So, how can we navigate these negativity traps? And why are they doing it? Do they even know they are doing it? I think sometimes they don’t realize what they are saying will affect us like it does. I think sometimes they are jealous assholes who see the progress you are making and WANT to derail you to make themselves feel better!
And honestly, I have been the jealous asshole before. I have definitely gotten jealous when good friends have lost a lot of weight and I think, “Man, if I had only gotten my shit together when she did!” but the difference is that I don’t then go stuff a cupcake into her mouth. Because that is a dick move. I can be angry with myself for not making better choices, but how can I begrudge someone their hard work and success? That isn’t a friend.
So, that is how I have chosen to view these situations. I will kindly say, “No, thank you” when someone offers me something that isn’t on my plan. If they insist, I will let them know that I am on a special diet, or Diabetic (true), or allergic (sometimes true) or something else to maintain a polite attitude, just hoping that they aren’t being a jerk. But when they push, you have to set a boundary. I taught my cousin recovering from a drug addiction to say, “I’m sorry, but you are not good for my recovery” when someone tried to push her boundaries. I have started doing the same thing. One of my support group members pointed out “Would you offer a drink to an alcoholic?” And some jerks would. But most people would not.
The point is that any time you try to make a healthy change, you may have people who are uncomfortable with your changes. But that is THEIR problem to deal with – Not yours. You may have to cut some of those people loose if they just don’t get it or aren’t willing to support your healthy lifestyle. (This is also just good advice for dealing with negative people in your life – even family if it comes to it)
So while it is perfectly ok to indulge in the cupcake every once in a while, it needs to be on YOUR terms, not because someone else tried to pressure you into it. Because you are the one who has to live with the consequences of any action you take, good or bad. Make it count!