It’s a TRAAAAAAP!!

Ah, I have to admit, I have been wanting to use that line for a while – much like Admiral Ackbar before me.  If you don’t know what I am talking about, you are clearly not a Girl Geek, like me.  Here’s a hint: There are some stars… and a couple of wars 😉

It’s the beginning of another year.  And thank God for that!  I don’t know about you, but 2011 was probably the weirdest year to date… for me, anyway.  It was simultaneously the best of times, and the worst of times.  Damn you, Dickens… you always pull this shit on me!  I promise that I will not do a 3 million word recap of the past year, but it went a little something like this:

• Got engaged!!  (Plus)
• Was in the hospital at least once a month for the whole freaking year (Minus)
• Left the crappiest job in the history of forever! (Plus)
• Left a job = ummm… where’s all that money I used to make?? (Minus)
• Got to plan a wedding to my sweetheart (Break even… Tons of fun, but also very stressful and expensive)
• Had a heart attack at the ripe old age of 35.  Oh yeah.  That totally happened. (Massive suck fest)
• Got married to the sweetest guy in the world less than a week after said heart attack in a super fun wedding (Win!)
• Holidays… my favorite time of the year, but without my brother & sister and their families, it was a little sad.

[End Scene]

So, yeah.  Needless to say, I have been too pooped to really do much in the way of writing, which really brings me down.  But, in an attempt to set GOALS, rather than resolutions this year, I have decided to devote more time to writing.  Or bitching via blog… take your pick.  My goal is to post at least once a week, even if I don’t have much to say.  I will at least put up some kick-ass pictures, or a dog in a dress, or something random to make you go, “WTF?”

So back to the obscure Jedi reference – It turns out that all the medical crap I have been dealing with for the past two years has to do with an undiagnosed cardiac condition (Thanks a lot, Dr. Hottie, and Dr. Not-a-Hottie for all your help… jackasses), and not me losing my mind or not being able to cope with life.  I guess it is a good thing to check off “Be invited to a psych hospital for a short visit” on the old bucket list.  Character building, don’t you know.  Anyway, turns out, I had a condition called Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy, or the aptly named “Broken Heart Syndrome”.  Apparently, in Japanese, that is the name for an Octopus Trap, since your heart balloons out weirdly and looks a bit like an Octopus head.  [shrugs]  This can come on after periods of prolonged emotional stress, like the death of a loved one, or the loss of a relationship.  In the past few years, I have had my fair share of stress, for sure.  But, after an extremely expensive medical stay, I was told that the condition is completely treatable via medication.  Score!

7 days after the heart attack, I married the knight in rusty red armor.  After months of planning and re-planning the wedding, we finally settled on a “Mexican restaurant party room” theme, and I think we nailed it!  80 or so of our closest friends and family joined us as we said I do.  The wedding started off very elegantly, with the bride and her party emerging proudly from the men’s room (hey it was twice the size of the ladies’ room – don’t judge me!), to shuffle awkwardly down the make-shift aisle, to our altar… in front of the tiki bar.  Also – beware – When you book a JP online, sometimes they feel they need to make the ceremony funny.  Mostly, it was just awkward.  But, it didn’t matter.  We got to stare lovingly at each other, say the words, and do the deal.  Of all my weddings, this was my favorite.  Ok, so I only had one other one, but when they groom actually wants to be there… it really just makes the day that much more amazing 🙂

Also, ladies, if you want to look thinner on your wedding day, take a little tip from me – Have the largest wedding party on the face of the planet!  It totally takes 75 lbs right off you!  Don’t believe me?  Check this out:

I also highly recommend, after pictures, changing into a track suit.  I did.  I guarantee you I was the most envied girl at that party!  Comfy clothes and a veil are totally the way to go.

But, now comes the hard part… Life.

As I already mentioned, I don’t plan to set any resolutions this year.  If I did, I would have already broken them all, and it isn’t even mid-January.  I have set goals, though.  Things that I want to accomplish, and a plan on how to do those very things.  My goals for this year are very simple – Get physically and financially healthy, and work on things that I love.  Those things include my writing, photography, and my marriage.  P and I have decided to start the year off right by getting financially in shape.  Truth be told, I have been saggy in this area for, well, forever.  I don’t really think I was ever taught what to do with money.  If I am being totally honest, money scares the shit out of me.  I usually ignore it, hoping that it will go away – And it does.  But never in a good way.  We are going to take a page out of Dave Ramsey’s book and work on getting financially fit and trim.  Please pray for our souls.

As for the physical part, I am happy to announce that as of 2012, I am down 45 lbs from my heaviest weight.  That is the good news.  The bad news is that it has taken about 5 years to get here.  Stupid weight has always been a struggle for me… ever since that fateful day when Mother Nature came knocking on my door.  Bitch.  The doctor wants me to work on losing at least another 30 before we start a family… so I should be there before I am 50.  But, in all seriousness, having a heart attack at 35 really is an eye opener.  I was fortunate to find out through a Heart Cath (Google it) that I didn’t suffer any permanent damage and have no heart disease or clogged arteries, or anything like that.  I really want to take this year to get those 30 lbs off.  If another 50 want to join them, I won’t complain.  My plan includes those radical ideas of eating healthier and moving more.  I know… I never bought into the hype, but they do seem to actually work.

So, fair readers… if any of you still exist after my many months of silence, I would love to hear your goals for the year… or what kind of dogs in dresses you would like to see… really anything would be super.  Comments are always appreciated, welcomed, encouraged, and sometimes – coerced through bribery.  I’m not above it.  Just sayin…

OH!  I almost forgot… Paul got me this as a stocking stuffer for Christmas:

Again, I am not above bribery, so one lucky reader (aka COMMENTER) may just receive their very own Cuddly Bantha (if you aren’t a Girl Geek, that is the second little guy on the left)!!!  That comment button looks just a little more appealing now, doesn’t it?

*Wedding photography provided by the lovely and talented Claire Kennedy Photography*

PS – I have also been asked to start pod-casting, or video blogging, or something to that effect for both this site and for a new project, where I translate for my dog Lucy, since she doesn’t speak English very well.  Let me know if you are interested in seeing such nonsense.